Still Procrastinating

First off, let me start by saying I know that once my dayhome is officially started I will be the most awesome worker, my house will be clean, the kids will have fun, and everything will be great, but in the meantime, I really need someone to give me a good kick in the butt.

I know I need to get started, we need the money, we made the move specifically so I could finally start my day home, I have been dreaming of having a day home for years, so why is this so hard to get started?  Maybe it stems from my childhood shyness.  Maybe I don't want to give up all the free time I have every day.

I think I'm scared.

I'm scared of starting this thing that has been a dream of mine for so long, only to find out I may not like it.  What if I HATE being at home all day with 4 extra kids in tow?  What if I find myself losing patience, what if I let my husband down?  What if I let my children down?  What if I let myself down?  "Gulp."  I  don't think I can handle that.  So I find it easier to procrastinate, instead of actually moving on with my life. 

But why?  I know I love children.  I know I love being around kids.  The only thing that drove my crazy at my most recent daycare job was the boss, so why would I not enjoy running my own day home where I am the boss?  I'm sure I will, but there's that tiny voice inside my head that keeps saying "what if?"  and it scares me.

So this is me saying I am not going to be scared anymore.  I know this is what I want to do, I would not have turned my life upside if it weren't.  So I am going to start this, and I know I am going to enjoy it, because this is my passion.  I am going to stop letting my fears get in the way of what I truly want to do.